weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
