He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
