I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
