Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
