I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
