remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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