We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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