dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
