Me. At least after what I've been through.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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