I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
