Nicole vs. Life
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
