I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
