epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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