Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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