whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
