I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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