She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
