im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
