I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
