Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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