I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
