Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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