You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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