I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
