so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
