oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
