You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
