Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
