That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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