I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Randomize
