And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
