The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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