Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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