It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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