yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
