dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
