I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
