It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
