why do cheetos always look like penises
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
third nipple confirmed
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
