someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
