i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
