she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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