i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
