Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
