if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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