Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
