remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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