Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
