last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
