I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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