were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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