You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize