anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
