Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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