I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
