...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
