you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize