she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
