You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
