Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
