At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
