I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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