i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
