Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
