When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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