ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just invented taco cereal.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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