My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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