Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
