Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
