had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize