i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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