i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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