u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
