'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
