u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
