ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
