Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize