I'm drive I can fine osifer
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
