I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
