I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
