Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
