dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
