I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
