I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
