the condom got lost in my hair
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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