ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
