have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She's the barista slut.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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