Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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