I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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