On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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