Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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